14-04-07 - Nags & Slow News

The Grand National takes place in Aintree today. It's that time of year again where thousands people who otherwise have no interest in the gee-gees become obsessed with the 40 horse lottery of Liverpool. For some this means vast winnings, for some vast losses but the majority of people, me included, see it as an excuse for a pub visit and a out of the norm bet. It's a laugh though and who knows my horse might do it for me. Although saying that it's not much of a laugh for the horses I guess. They have a afternoon of hedges, whippings, potential death and a one way visit to the glue factory. My money is on L'Ami so heres hoping...

It must be a slow news day as all over the press this morning are reports of Prince William splitting from long term partner Kate posh-totty Middleton. How is this front page news? Why is this the lead 10 o'clock story on Sky News? Why are journalists giving live satellite feeds from outside their houses? They're a mid twenties couple who have separated. Granted it's royalty but christ, the way the press are reacting it's like this never happens to youngsters nowadays. Considering today is a Saturday, there must have been plenty of Stella Artois and blue WKD instigated arguments across the high streets of Britain last night. Many of these will have resulted in the usual vomiting taxi journeys, shit-in-a-tray takeaway punch ups, and A&E visits but I'll put money on there being countless relationship break ups and fall outs too. It inevitable but you don't get the Sun, Daily Mirror or the Guardian camped at the bottom of Wakefield High Street waiting to interview Sharon and Dave on account of him touching some girls arse. I can't figure out why not. It's no more interesting than seeing the real-life soap opera of the Royal parasites pan out across the red-tops and broadsheets. The irony of all this is that they have reportedly split due to the intense media pressure surrounding the relationship. Looks like this should stop it then.....

If you have any interest in rap or any form of dance music then I urge you to watch the accompanying video. It's an important and informative history lesson which should be committed to memory. Even if you don't have any interest in electronic music of any kind (apart from nosebleed techno obviously), perhaps you should take some time out to watch the video. It might change your mind. Anyway, what are still doing reading this? Click play you damn fool.

If you've stuck around to watch that then you'll appreciate this one;

Clever fella that Aphex Twin.

April Fools Day... The day where you traditionally wind up your friends, colleagues and family with such pranks as killing the cat or defecating in the Sunday lunch. The whole inevitability that comes with April Fools day lessens the impact of the "humorous pranks" turning them into yawn-fests. The yawning becomes considerable when the big corporations get in on the act in an effort to LOL us to death. Google have been hard at work this year with their free in-home wireless broadband service and Gmail Paper which are both absolutely hilarious as is PC magazine's 10 revolutionary Technologies which include a wi-fi Toothbrush and Helmet for the Nintendo Wii. Oh, oh, oh. Please stop. My sides hurt. We should be encouraging tomfoolery every day, not just on April 1st. Imagine what life would be like. It would certainly be more exciting. Imagine a day where pranks come at you from all sides, all day every day. Pull in for some fuel at the local garage. It blows up. Get a cup of coffee out of the machine at work, some japester has re-routed it via the toilet. Actually, I think that as already been done at my place of employment. Go to buy a PS3, the guy on the till tells you it costs £425. Think about it. It would be a fun place, if somewhat stressful.

On a separate note, I managed to get Glastonbury Tickets today after trying for an hour from them going on sale. Not too bad considering 400,000 people had pre-registered and there was only 137,500 tickets available. It doesn't beat the 10 minutes it took me in 2005 however. All tickets sold out within a record breaking one hour 45 minutes which is hardly surprising considering applicants were permitted to purchase 4 tickets at once rather than 2 as usual. As is standard, the full lineup hasn't been disclosed as yet but confirmed artists so far are Arctic Monkyes, The Who and Shirley Bassey. I better brush up on my Bassey so I seem "with it". All together now; Gold-fin-geeeeeeeeeeeeeeer